Learnings from Mel Gibson's Apocalypto

I recently saw Apocalypto. This article will make a lot more sense to those that have had a chance to see the movie. It is a list of what I have learnt from watching this epic movie!

• The number of tattoos and amount of body art in the Mayan Civilization was directly proportional to the vileness of the person.
• Evil men do not have wives and children. Maybe a few concubines that are equally vicious.
• How to remove a person's heart: Take a sharp knife. Look the subject in the eye. While subject screams, make faces with your best attempt to scare him. Then strike at the chest. As long as the cameras do not follow the knife into the subject, the target's heart will readily jump out for you to grab and display publicly. It happens so fluidly indeed, that the subject has a chance to stare at his own extricated heart before passing away.
• Be very afraid if someone brings blue paint to the party. Everyone painted blue will be offered to Gods by expert knife-men as laid out in the previous bullet.
• All villains are stupid. They like to play Gladiator before killing the innocent, nice guys. Needless to say, one of these innocent, nice guys (the hero of the movie) will turn out to be damn lucky. He will run in a zig zag fashion, thereby evading all archers, shot-putters and javeline throwers of the villian's army. I am sure, secretly he will attribute his dumb luck to his valor and think of himself as a Maximus Decimus Meridius of sorts.
• A man injured by an arrow can run faster than a jaguar. Hence, when in the jungle and being checked out by a jaguar for a chase, quickly pull out an arrow and stab yourself.
• Corollary to previous bullet: If you have a debilitating injury that is causing you to sweat profusely and you can barely walk, find a jaguar to chase you. A chasing jaguar will make you run faster than Usain Bolt.
• The chief villain's henchmen are like guided missiles. Once launched, even if the chief villain is killed, they will continue to hunt the warrior against all odds. They continue to get more and more scared, but not one of them thinks of turning around as a feasible plan.
• In the jungle, it rains 5-6 feet of water within 20 minutes. Take that, Cherrapunji! Hero's wife finds herself in a big hole in the ground. And while the hero is knocking off the bad guys one by one, it starts to rain.
  
• Mayan women can do labor while in labor. Within 20 minutes, she finds herself standing on a rock, with her 4-year old son on her shoulders to evade drowning. Oh, did I mention that she is pregnant and gives birth in that stance?
  
• If you are a Mayan woman or child, even though you live right next to an ocean, no one teaches you how to float, let alone swim! Of course, once you grow up and have to jump off a waterfall, you magically learn there and then!